Creating Confident Kids
This is series of articles that will help you to raise a confident child. A confident child will be more resilient to life's ups and downs. He or she is less likely to need hypnotherapy when they are more resilient to problems.
Creating confident kids - nobody gets that parenting manual handed to them in the delivery room. It is our duty as parents to try to make our kids as well rounded, happy and confident as possible. Bring up great kids is easier than it is to try and fix problems caused by bad parenting. By the time our kids are adults it is far more difficult.
Our children are individuals, not our property. They are an independent person in their own right. Too many people have children for the wrong reasons. They want someone to love them. Worse still they want to live their 'missed life' through their kids. Children deserve respect and must be allowed to become their own person. They are not mini versions of their parents. Well at least they shouldn’t be.
From the day they are born, children should be allowed to find their own way in this world. And at their own pace. I am not suggesting that you abandon them to their own devices. What I mean is that your role as a parent is like that of a coach. You should be there to cheer them on as they move towards different goals. But never try and push them to do something they are not yet ready for. Or something they do not want to do.
Instilling Confidence in Your Baby
Keep in mind your verbal and non verbal communications with your baby. Listen to them when they communicate with you. For example, babies use crying to communicate. Generally a baby will only cry when they need something. Such as; nappy to be changed, they are hungry or frightened scared and want a cuddle.
A baby who is held and cuddled will grow more secure knowing they are valued and loved. That is why I hate a parenting trend that developed a few years ago. It suggested that babies should be left to cry. In think this is very cruel and potentially damaging to the child. How can a baby trust its parents if they ignore him/her when they need parents the most?
Babies talk in a language we cannot completely comprehend. But babies understand more than you can imagine. Infants and small children are like sponges – they soak up everything we say and do. It is important that you speak to your baby encouraging them to mimic you. And their attention to the noises they hear around them. Sing to them, babies love singing and they don’t mind if you are tone deaf and sing horribly flat!
Baby massage is wonderful for generating a close bond between parents and child. But massage also instils confidence in an infant. The gentle touch causes his body to release 'feel good' hormones and make them feel loved and safe.
In the early years a child views their parents as he whole universe. They want to keep mummy and daddy happy. They bask in your love and attention. They expect to get your approval when they tries new things. All babies will try things at different times. Depending on their learning style, some things will come easy. But others will take a little longer to master. Encourage your child to explore his/her boundaries but do it in a relaxed way.
If a parent pushes their child to do something that he/she is not yet ready for, there will be a problem. The child will sense their parent's disappointment when they fail. This will knock the child's confidence and start a negative cycle of fear of failing. The parent may not voice their frustration and disappointment. But that doesn’t mean that your child hasn’t picked up on the non-verbal signal, (body language). Infants are wired to pick up on the non-verbal signals more than the verbal ones.
It doesn’t matter if Jack or Jill down the road has been potty trained since they were 6 months old. Your child isn’t Jack or Jill and will develop at their own pace. Parents who are always pushing their children to walk early, talk early etc. are forcing a child to do something they are not ready for. They are setting them up for a childhood of disappointment and failure. As the child in a constant battle to overcome silly 'tests' set by people with an adult agenda.
When parent's are confident that Jill or Jack will be potty trained, walking and talking by the time they go to school. That is a very different scenario. Jill or Jack will feel loved and accepted which will increase their self worth and confidence. This attitude may also make the child achieve things quicker and easier. Jack or Jill will have the confidence to experiment knowing that no matter what he/she is loved!
Don’t fall into the trap of thinking that you have to amuse your baby or toddler all day. That will exhaust both of you. Babies and toddlers need to learn to spend some quality time on their own. Just as older children need to learn to amuse themselves. You cannot love yourself and be confident in who you are if you have never got to know yourself.
So let your baby or toddler spend some time in their cot or playpen with a couple of favourite toys. You will at some point hear them having a great chat, (in baby talk), with their new friends.